A Conversation with an invader

This is a very old writing, that I did as a conversation between the heart and love

H : you know that your not allowed rather welcomed to show up just like that ...with no any kind of warning signals !!! u really cant claim that this is yours ….i will tend to fight back viciously…”says the trampling heart “

L: this is my nature…I come unannounced, and especially at the least expected moments

I am as you know “the summery of life in one word”

I am the cure for all those who claim they don’t need me and when they r alone

They hope for me to arrive..

Those who claim that the emptiness inside is not hurting them…

they know that in my presence time stops..

And your sense become so alert …u do all crazy things…laugh and smile for no specific reason …happiness becomes your new attitude

H:have you ever thought of how would I feel after u leave me

After making me go high….feel free as a bird…sing like no one is watching dance like I don’t care …u tend to suddenly disappear….fade away…

L : I might suddenly or slowly fade a way if you as a person is not capable of knowing how to keep me a live..i live on non stop passion…nonstop giving and gratitude

And the number one thing is HONESTY

H I have nothing to add, please don’t be late and visit me soon

And if you are about to leave promise me you will come again

very old posts

this is something i wrote in 2006

You know when u watch a movie

And specially in this part when they do the slow motion part with a kick ass soundtrack that just say a lot more than the entire movie could have said

And u feel this rush of feelings coming to u

And u start searching in the corners of your mind for memories or life stories that are similar to what u r seeing coz u want to relate to what is happening in front of u on the screen…

I've always tried to do the same yet I just could not find any thing in my life that

Could play this music I need …

Nothing that triggers this smile or this silence

Or even any type of feelings

I miss my loud laughter

And with every sunrise I put on a smile on my face forcing my heart to fight back this scaring feeling of emptiness and loneliness with hope

A voice

A smile that shines on me…..

In such a moment all sort of questions

all sort question marks appear

And demands to be answered

Yet the answer remains hidden…

Hidden between few simple words….

Words …spoken only by her

Words that no on can hear but me

Words that has the answer to all asked and unasked questions

Confused..Frustrated..And alone

Today I woke up as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,

Yesterday I was asked a question (baby what is the plan)!!!!!

I froze….and thanks god my mobile battery just suddenly went off,as if god wanted me to have this question and just sleep on the answer…plan?? What plan?? I didn’t plan jack shit !!!! should I be planning in the first place or shall we just let things go according to the big master plan

I am not a happy temper today ….i feel as if I am a kid who just got his lollipop stolen from him and thrown a way …

What is the plan….where can I go

What can I start….

Am just as if am paralyzed, this Kuwait country made me feel like I cant live if am not there

Oh may god this is the worst thing ever, to feel trapped in a place and even when u r out of it

U still feel as if you are stuck!!!!!! This means that this STUCK feeling is just inside me

It isn’t something true, what the hell am I saying

I cant even focus on single thought. I talk about a plan thin I jump to talk about feelings….Am feeling down again AGAIN fucking AGAIN ,GOD enough already cant you give me a nice break……for only 1 year pleas make things just keep on moving positively and then turn me to a horse I have no problem heheheheheh

BABY..i have no plan,,,I didn’t think of a plan at all and to be honest, I feel so num and confused that I cant think of any thing . Because I don’t freaking know what I want exactly …am not specific . World pleas take it easy on me for the love of god…..why??? how and when

Questions that I always keep on asking, and never satisfied with answers

Soul search

After the set back I have faced in Kuwait

I thought it was the best idea to have some time off and go back to my home country

I cant call it home as I didn’t spend there more than 12 month in a row..

(I think its sad). Any how she said its better for me to take this trip, maybe something different might happen, I am convinced that the normal life formula just doesn’t cut it for me

Its just not me, Ok then what is the formula that works ????

That is a million dollar question.

I guess the answer will appear when I start opening all windows and doors to my inner soul

Looks like I still have some discoveries to make ….a mission to define

What is it ????

Private business is always a good idea .

Now I am here ,its 4:00 AM and I cant stop thinking…

How and where can I start ,one thing I know for sure is that I do need people`s help

I need to do a research and set a schedule of priorities. And also try to have a better control on my mind sets,

Tomorrow is another day

Lets see how it will go