i dont believe you by PINK

I have been listening to this song for so many days

And as it’s a gift I have in me…I always have the ability to detect how deep the song is for the singer …I don’t know how and I just do ,,,,or maybe its not true its just touching me personally .

This singer …what I love about her is this pure and raw anger she usually has in her voice and her face impressions ,,,its shows in the way she presents herself …she is just a rebellious person.

The thing that a lot don’t know is that behind any any extreme anger or very loud laughs …you will always have a DEEP cut…a sort of sorrow that just can’t be fixed….

This song comes exactly at a time where I feel a bit venerable.

And I am the only one to be blamed ….my impulsiveness and irrational thinking

Always leads me to uncalculated actions and tough consequences..

But to be honest with me and whomever is reading.

I never intend to do things to hurt others in any way …I am just a very intense person (emotionally speaking ) and such a thing can sometimes be very dangerous

And sometimes it’s the best way to live …..i fall in love in a blink of an eye

And I suffer from it as if it’s a sharp knife stabbing my heart nonstop.

So if you are trying to understand me…..dont

You will never be able to do so ….just accept me the way I am As I was told many times from a lot of people”

“We see you and we feel like we are in the presence of an enormous power”

And also I was constantly told that I have this missing link between my reality and my hidden inner power … when will this time come to see this link working ….

Enjoy the song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGrkoAEpPlA

words

As it is always the way things go with me ….

Unexpected turns in the course of my life…

These unexpected endings….and beginnings

Success, disappointments…smiles, tears and you just can’t say that you know for sure what is coming a head.

I ended a chapter of personal growth. A chapter called Marcia Novo.

When you meet someone that guides you to see your inner greatness, your enormous power hidden within and to take your hand to guide you to the road of fulfilling your dreams. You ask yourself one question. WHAT CAN I GIVE BACK? And it was something that I never knew I had. It’s touching from deep inside. As she said I was the only one who managed easily to break through all her defensive masks and put down all the guarding walls. Well I have to say (with a smile on my face) BABY AM A TURAUS. Back to the main point, I always believe that“people differences bring” “people problems”

And of course we are 180 degrees different. Yet we share something more powerful than our differences. it’s our urge and need for growth or as she say (evolution) I was few steps behind her…am still looking for my DREAM to fulfill it.

Stand up again. Dust off your shoulders, catch your breath and be ready for another round of FIGHT. That’s what I can hear in all the corners of my head

I refuse …

I refuse to be left alone

Or left behind

I refuse to let myself get hurt

I refuse to cry

I refuse to feel the pain

I refuse not to be respected

I refuse not to be loved…..

I refuse to be rejected

And I will not

I will not accept to feel the cold

I will not accept to be defeated by your waves

I am who I am

I am the man of my world

I am the man who know the truth of everything around

I am impulsive

I am a normal FREE spirited man

I can’t be kept in a frame

The frame of expectations

The frame of an average male

BUT

I know

I know I will miss you so much…so much that I can’t sometimes breathe

Like it is now

I will be up in my bed

Thinking of you…

Remembering your head when it rubs to my chest as you sleep in my arms.

It has been cold

Lately life has been very tough with me….Throwing me right left and center ,beating me up so hard ,,,,and my thick skin just gets more and more thicker to my surprise …well am a Capricorn ascendant .I can’t actually put my hand this time on what could be the reason for all these things ,,and why suddenly everyone just feel like filling a case against me….I know that it’s a big mistake to neglect the Financial debts you have…and maybe this is the lesson for 2008 and 2009… My god, I just realized that since I got out of flex on NOV 2008 and my life is being falling apart. SUN FX Tanning is jeopardized. And I have not been paying my loan installments for the past 4 months ….MEN are designed to care and protect …now I am in the process of protecting my own life my own survival….and sometimes the fight for that gets really vicious , ugly, painful and above all you feel lonely ….I always run away from my family claiming that they don’t understand me…but lately its with them that I feel peace and I can find some arms to throw myself in….(not physically ) and my partner……is just a way ,,,all caught up in other things regardless if its right or wrong ( maybe these things are priority for her) but what gets in to me is that sometimes I feel like she just wants to get her things done and the hell with anyone or anything ells…..is this being selfish….or maybe this is how women with strong and firm personalities are ….(you always asked for that )(VERGO Women) they don’t give a fuck how you feel as long as she has a “to do list” it has to be done,,, even its buying a turkey or a bulb or chasing an open bank branch…..I feel like it’s getting cold inside of me…. even though she is right next to me

thank you god

Ok

Now this is a very new feeling…

A new chance once again

Now….i would like …actually instead of asking god for future things

I will thank him..as an act “as if I have already got these things”

Thanx for helping getting a new chance

Thanx for giving me power to control, people, situations, and circumstances

Thanx for making me a real leader

For being able to see the creative solution in every situation

thank you god

i dont like it

While I was looking for pictures on flicker under the title of

Jealousy or Anger or “left alone”

And I was kind of feeling connected to these pictures

I was looking for them because I felt like that. For a while.

She said it clear at the beginning “pls ,if you want us to be to gather you have to know that I have few things that I don’t like any body to come next to or to ask me to compromise. Work, daughter and friends. When you are in love you are always taking all sort of decision based on positive feelings. To be honest I always respect in a couple this part (the space and respect giving by each one to the other) valuing the things your partner values is an example of civilized and healthy relationship.

On the other hand you need to be a bit smart and read the signs that you partner is sending.

Working for almost 12 hours a day and then also week ends. Its an amazing sign for dedication

But guess what? This dedication is sent only towards work and then comes friends…..

Ufff I hate feeling like this coz I don’t have to…

For the entire day I have been feeling sick, Hungry and disturbed coz of my allergy

And now I said ,I go pick her up and maybe have few words and she can relax me (she has this effect on me) and then I get this

SORRY BABY I HAVE TO GO TO THIS DINER

Now ,I really I wana see those who keep on saying shit advices like this crap NLP instructor Ibrahim EL fikkey and his bullshit of control your negative feelings

Dud if I can stop

Anger

Jealousy

Disturbed of being neglected from your loved ones.

What the fuck differentiates me than a mother fuckn machine

Piano of life

It’s been few days; I have been jumping from doing one thing to doing another thing.

Viewing blogs to try to get some info about salons. Sometimes I go on the streets pointless just to try to get a salon name or number so I can sell my machine.

Reading a book

Daydreaming and positive wishing

Searching for …..

And while I was about write something,

I decided I wana writ something els ..

I am searching for this unrealistic dream life

A life where you live as if you are living in a movie

Its hard to explain but ,have you ever had this feeling when you see a clip of some ones life with a piano on the background, can you imagine that, it’s a normal people ,going up and down, normal clothes ,smiles, laughs and lusty thoughts & desires

Every time I open the window I hear a lot of noises, and sounds of people, cars machines,

Have you ever dreamed of opening a window and hearing the sound of a piano?

The sound of birds and the waves of the beach

The sound of camera shots

This writing is inspired by an amazing and very touching video I saw on my best friends blog

Called “bayroth I love you, I love you not “

http://projektcyan.com/

mood is negative

It’s been a long day today, my mood is negative and I feel so exhausted.

Visited a lot of places, and been trying to get something done, and as it’s a label for the Arabic world, nothing gets done.

I just discovered lately what and how exactly I would reach my goal.

Become very rich, own a “Golf R32”,”Pourche 4s” and travel all Europe with Marcia .all that from beauty and fitness business to finance my study in cinema and then go for acting” so am working hard to sell something, And its just so fucking slow. Investors still has to give approval on the final study, women that I know are very few, I have only 1 KD in my pocket need to find a way to reach these fucking salon owners. An add or maybe a Press release. Something will happen and make things work am sure, just keep on wishing hard.