again

And it’s time again
It’s this time of life where i just feel board of the disturbing questions I have on my mind…to many questions, and its never been answered\and guess what ,I lost hope of it being answered.
I just want to know how can I stop caring any more ..
I don’t want to care about my life when am 40 ,I wana worry about NOW

I don’t want to keep on imagining my KID, boy or a girl,
How and when ,and above all what am I gona teach to this new visitor on planet earth. I am worried about my parents, they are 2 steps close from being “past tense” have the accomplished everything they aimed for ?
Are they proud of me ? am i proud of myself ?
If no, why
If yes. then what for.
When am I going to stick to one path..stand up for all that I believe in
Am I an artist ?
Am I a rich politician
Am I a writer
Am I a normal happy father and a family man
Which way ,no one knowz ,it’s all a matter of future
This world we live in is amazing
Only when you come so close to the END of your time
You realize that NOTHING from the past things that made you go sad or angry or hurt MATTERS !!!! its all going to pass
Why worry ,,,,,

Lost in the FOG

Is it me or is it the dam weather or the fucken supplements I use for the Gym
Everyone talks to me on the phone; see that I am sounding down…
I answer,,(I am ok ) its all ok
But hues what
I feel like I am not capable of taking it
I am waiting time, going up and down
Back and forth, happy with a deep soar cut inside me…
I am almost 30…I never thought I will be saying that “I am 30” but guess what
Am getting old hehehe but only in numbers, I still feel the same ….
And this is defiantly not a good sign!!!!! u r supposed to change (and am talking dramatically )
My changes are not considered drastic.
Or maybe they are …and am just squeezing my own balls
This might be a serious issue
I saw people around me moving, changing countries changing careers and jobs
CHAAAAAANGE and am fuckin stuck in this shit hole.
Am tired of dealing with liars, people who don’t respect or honor what they say
Am not capable of constructing a significant opinion about ME or my own goals or mission
Am LOST
Lost in the fog
And the anger is getting bigger and bigger
Its consuming my energy
Consuming my thinking
I just wana kick someone in the guts
And I want to scream

This is not even a word ,it’s some invention that you use when you want to say a word that means “Nothing “ .
And shrabelz is the perfect deception for the current situation at my work
It’s so ridicules that you can’t stop laughing. And when asked why ?
The only proper answer is SHRABELZ. On the other hand I have to also say that I am in a very happy mood, despite all the finical crisis that am facing…I can only say SHRABELZ and laugh a way the problem. It’s a new approach for solving problems .To laugh and say sharabelz

Kick back relax and enjoy the ride

Lately I have been taking this approach
To do the best I could, and then let the results come alone. Do you believe that what you do in life is somehow a reflection of your inner thoughts and subconscious?
Well, wither it was right or wrong, am not n the mood of judging.
I just want to SEE THINGS from my own perspective
Just like in the driver’s seat …
Or wait!!!! We keep on driving and going up and down with our dreams, thoughts, wishes, words, decisions, actions, and also our cars, ourselves and our love stories as well.
Do you know where are you heading?
Do you have a clear picture of your last STOP?
Don’t fool yourself …you don’t, and I don’t too
Simply if I do then I’ll just say “why bother go through all the hassle and tears. I know already how it is gona end.
Now I became a strong believer of this simple fact
Sometimes it’s better IF YOU DON’T KNOW.

To the entire world
Thank you for every thing
Good or bad
It’s always with hard situations we get to learn valuable lessons.
And man I got a lot of those, and also looks like I still have some more to be learned.
The mission am looking for is something that will appear when am ready
And maybe I will be ready when am 50 or 40 or even 60
Presidency  that sounds nice yet am sure it’s not gona be all FUN ride
It will have its own cost …lets see how is that gona go
Main while…lets Kick back relax and enjoy the ride
Baby …r u ready to back me up?


I

am always asking

Yesterday …
I saw,,, actually I will use the word “witnessed “ the beginning of a love relationship
A couple who are at the very beginning of their professional life. and they met by coincidence
What am interested in,is what’s hidden between the lines ,what’s hidden behind the fast eyes looks, what actually their hearts are trying to say yet the brain controls the emotions
I can see a lot of flirting …(ohh I miss that)
I can see a lot of promises..(hehe I love that ,but I realized I ruined it somehow)
I can see some shyness…I never connect to that
But am sure there is also a lot questions
And the most amazing part is …the lover’s jealousy…

Witnessing that made feel like I want to look my own story
Go through the pages and see !!! hummm
It needs a lot of editing, some parts that I just simply don’t like
And parts …are amazing …and some are shocking
And others….are standing with the question mark on top of it….
Wasn’t the materialistic demands and drama that made all the past stories …(called as past stories )
What’s new now ?
Or is it the same ?
Do u think that things are always gona be the same
What if NOT…

influence of SATURN return.....HOPE

So …..i was told that I will under the influence of SATURN return ….
If you know astrology you will know that it a MOTHER FUCKN HARD time heheheh
That became part of normal day. Since the end of Nov 08 until now.

I guess the only good side is, I developed a tendency to be calm from inside no matter what is going around me . Some things are under ur control and others are not. As For those things that you can’t control. You need not to worry. it’s just a wait of time and energy . if there is any mishaps that I did in my early twenties. I am on the place where I have to pay for it now.
And I face that with hope
A hope of finding the answer to the most valuable question of all.
What is my role in the big theater of life …
Which part suits me, politician? ,Writer? Actor, standup- comedian? Fitness instructor
What is it exactly? Where it is exactly and when am I supposed to start that.

Wait and see ….things will happen at the time it should happen

I feel peace, for a while

Peace is a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations and I will add to that …it’s a state of harmony between a person mind and his world surrounding him….

I feel peace, for a while