Choke me

I was always dreaming about breaking free, from this shit hole country I am living in
I wanted to feel some sort of anew sensation. I got tired from the same land escape over and over again. Got sick from people, the culture I am in. I needed a “change” a new direction. And I got offered a job in Sao Paulo Brazil. The country that you feel u can easily belong and blend in. a mix of craziness of cosmopolitan city and calmness of nature .
Honestly my reply to this was “I choked” I froze and decided to let go the opportunity of breaking free. Came to a new conclusion. I am more trapped than I ever thought I was.
I pity myself when I see her. She is very decisive .I pity my weak guts and my weak soul.
My guts can’t be followed and my soul and brain are no capable of constructing a purpose.
When you are pulled from all directions. It’s a vicious war.
Your enemy is actually living inside of you. Its fear..
Have you ever been able to concur fear?

What’s on your mind …..

I recently came back from my Dream trip. to Brazil
And since I came back, I just can’t feel that I am the same person. I feel as if I am driving a soulless body
I smile, eat, talk, sleep.. Only because my brain is ordering my body to do so. I can’t feel jack shit
I want to sometimes slap my self to snap out of this dull boredom feeling,I cant be THAT MUCH ungreatfull..i have to control it . BUT I FUCKN CANT
It’s not like someone died…am just a bit feeling strange for some reason.
I guess the reason is this job offer I got from brazil. A very interesting chance to GET THE HELL OUT
But the money is too low!!!! According to people who KNOW me,,, they say its not enough for you

My rebelling brain : “I WANT TO GO OUT”

My wise voice : well u got a chance to do it…do it

My rebelling brain But I want the money 2 I need to live good

My wise voice : No my son you can’t have all @ once you have 2 make a choice

My rebelling brain that’s not fare

My wise voice: it is, it will be not fare if you get everything at once…how r u gona learn then?
To evaluate options mean you have to have prioritizing system. If you don’t know what the hell is that I guess it’s about time you do.

when your brain meets God`s Master peace

i just came back from a mountain trip, a mountain called "Monte Virdi" the green mountain .

to be able to describe for whom ever is reading ,how deep this impact i have been through ,you have to be a bit aware of my so called dreams and desires (the traveling ones).

i am born and raised in a very hot and desert atmosphere , yet my zodiac sign is Taurus.The nature for people like me is something essential like water and air we breath add to that my passion for writing and my love for letting my imagination take me as far as possible

I have always dreamt about this day where i can travel to a far a way land,some small small village or town that has this European street design (streets made of bricks) and small colorful houses, and surrounded with green forest .Any where you look you see one thing. green hills,green mountains and green lands , we can say a small heaven on earth . after dreaming about this picture for 8 years, i finally had it all ,and in one shot. i took a plane for 13 hours to Brazil and then a 3 hours bus to this amazing excluded heaven guided by ,my wife and my partner,
I walked for 3 hours climbing 1,700 miters to the top of the mountain . on the way your brain starts to wounder !!!! about the power behind this beauty ,the secrets inside this jungle,and the events these trees has witnessed

How many souls has passed this specific path my foot has touched, how my eyes have seen this picture i am seeing right now.

after approximately 2 and half hours of climbing, i came a cross a small stream of water, something that i have never seen, a cold ,clean and clear....its feeding all the trees around ....and once i touched it...my eyes came to tears,,my human brain just suddenly got in touch with the majesty of the creator.I touched one of his master peaces .I reached the top, and my soul felt like it has reached the top of the universe.

there was only the SKY above me....and am surrounded with green mountains....again i was on the top of the universe. I realised that all these so called troubles can be gathered in a quotation....and become nothing but a 1 word ,and in the face of this Majesty and beauty,this word wont survive, most of OUR issues are created by OUR own demands and greed that lead us to the cage . It is a cage of desperation. and anger. and feeling so low on your self esteem.
these hard times are made especially to test you and bring the best out of you. it will break you down for sure but the question is will you be able to put you shit to gather and stand up again or is gona be like this for ever ?



above all

gracias a Dios

Random questions & Notes to self and the world

Question: how long does it take a human being to achieve or reach the “mission” of his life?
And also how long does it take you to identify it in the first place?
Do we men, seriously THINK good before we say I WANT TO HAVE A BABY? how do you know that you did all ur preparations if you didn’t have a baby before?
I love my religion, so do a lot of people….”they love their own religion” why are we fighting then?
God exist, this is a fact for me, and actually it’s a belief. And guess what? I just realized WHY is there a country and people we don’t KNOW, still dying in hurricanes and floods. Answer is in Quran

How is responsible of Writing traditions? He should be fired and replaced with a younger man and woman.
Teachers are as essential as Water and air….they are responsible of fresh and raw brains , those brains will control the future, hence will also determine how are they(teachers) are going to spend their retirement years. (is it going to be WAR & hunger or Peace & prospers time)

Money is EVERY thing for me, but for someone els, Health is everything. Athierd person would say
I would give all my money and half of my life and be able to walk again on my legs (a USA former President)
I love you Marcia Novo Lopes it’s a fact and a believe

thank you GOD

Wahuauaha
This is how I feel, Thanks god it’s a nice and very good positive feeling.
Well, on the contrary of all the current circumstances I feel good.
The past 9 months, or let’s say since November 2008 I have been from bad to worse .Losing jobs, issue with money, car problems you name it I have been through it .But don’t be fooled my SON, such tough times are made to make us, to define who we are and to give the final sculpture of your personality its Shine.
In all this mess I will keep on repeating (MY WIFE WAS and STILL is a HERO)
Thank you my love for being my support, as a Taurus I OUGH YOU MY LIFE. And when a Taurus is devoted, he could within a heart beat kill himself just to satisfy his loved one and protect her
Away from the entire Horoscope thingy .I am here to note this moment
Am in the KNPC building in Ahmadi, Car needs minimum 100 KD to be fixed, just received my Termination latter yesterday. It might look dark, but worry not my son, for I am armed with Faith and positiveness of the coming future.
Inshalla I will start a new job, pay all my dues and keep on rolling. Soon inshallah I will be traveling to the most exotic location on this planet BRAZIL one of the countries that I have never even dreamed about stepping foot there, visiting my wife`s family. In my current work STATION heheh
I have been able to encounter or let’s say conclude some important concepts.
A) Uneducated Boss or a manager is a big NO NO because they didn’t develop the notion of Courage, teamwork and trust
B) Don’t let your temper lead your action..you take control of that and always leave on good terms
C) Once you spot a lire, keep your distance, they are not even worth looking at
D) Don’t take people for granted, specially the ones you think they are on your side.
E) And finally, don’t expect that people will pay your money if you don’t ask for
F) Once you lose respect for your boss or when you just can’t relate to the job you are doing, it just doesn’t make sense, or it’s went unappreciated. it’s time to review your location and see if you have better options
Now that I have been talking nonstop …I guess me should go do some home work, PRAY, Read my holy Quran and be thankful for every thing

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR

Yes
This is how I feel now a day
Like I am almost going to get a gun and BAAAM my head
GOD dam it man, its taking way too much for this fucking life to get back in shape.
I am supposed to be old enough to be pay for my own mother fuckn house. even that I can’t do
Why the hell cant I….you can’t blame anyone, it’s just the way things go, up and down.
But seriously I feel like I am living in a drama movie I wana bitch slap this director and tell “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR, CAN WE GET SOME COMEDY FOR GOD`S SAKE”
I am dreaming about going to the beach, or having some days off in a POSTIVE ENERGY place like a hotel or a resort and just indulge myself in some summer activities, sea food, beach, cold Beer and music all night. Financially I am Broke. Mybe it’s a signal that I should put an end to this “job search I am dong and for once look towards what I really want to do “it has to be something that involves physical activity because I get irritated if I bottle up my energy for long time.
So for the sake of wishful thinking

a) I want to live in a another country Dubai or Egypt
b) I want ti travel to Brazil and have a kick ass nice time doing nothing but dancing and drink cipernya
c) I want to own my fitness studio
d) I want to write my book
On a side note all these SELF help books like the secret and Robin Sharma and steven covey are nothing but BULLSHIT until further notice

منذ عدة ايام استوقفنى سؤال...

منذ عدة ايام استوقفنى سؤال....

كعادتى ,لدى الكثير من الاسئلة ولكن لهذا السؤال وقع مختلف
اود ان اوجه هذا السؤال لكل الرجال الذيين ولدوا بين 1930 و 1960
بجميع اللغات...لكل من كان له يد فى صياغة التاريخ
مسلم او مسيحى او يهودى او حتى ملحد
عربى او اجنبى ابيض او اسمر ...
اين نذهب من هنا ؟ اين يمكننا ان نتجه؟
انا اعتبر من الجيل الثانى من المهاجرين من مصر...(.نحن الان بصدد نمو الجيل الثالث خارج الاراضى المصري)ة
سؤالى ....اين نذهب, اذا اتخذت الدين قالوا انك رجعى و الان استطاع الاعلام ان يسميهم بالارهابيين
ان اقبلت على الدنيا قاوا انك بوهيمى,ام انك انسان مادى.....
ايها الاباء,يا رجال الماضى يا قادة الدول.....يا من كانوا يتربون على ايادى العظماء.....
الستم انتم الجيل الذى اعلن ان الهجرة هى الحل؟
انتم من حارب وقرر ان الاستقلال التام او الموت الزوئام.....
وانتم من شاهد المسلمون يذبحون فى البوسنة
اليس من جيلكم صدام...الذى قتل و شرد و اشرف على الدمار
اليس من جيلكم من اعلن الحرب على الارهاب و اعتدى على العراق
اليس من جيلكم من قرر ان يغتال السادات بعد ان عبر و انتصر
الستم تنتم من قرر ان يطيح بالملكية المصرية املا فى العدل الاجتماعى....و ماذا كنت النتيجة الان
الستم انتم من قلتم ان عدوية هو انحطاط للاغنية المصرية....ما رأيكم فى شعبان و ابو الليف
الستم انتم من قال ان الشرطة فى خدمة الشعب....ما رايكم فى فيديو هتك عرض مواطن بالعصا
الستم انت من كتب اشعار يتغزل فى النيل....ما رأيكم فى ازمة النيل حاليا....
الم تعلمونا ان الدين طلب الا يغالى الاباء فى المهور.....ما رايكم فى طلبات الزواج التى تطلبوها انتم من الراغبين فى الزواج من بناتكم بعد ان كنتم تدفعون 7 جنيهات ايجار شهرى للشقة
انتم من سعر الماء و الدواء اغلى من البانجو و الحشيش !!!!!!
قد لا يسعفنى الوقت فى سرد مصائبكم.....و سرقاتكم و جرائمكم ...
ولكن يمكننى ان اقول انى اخترت.....اخترت ان اعلم ابنائى انه لا وجود لشىء اسمه "الماضى" او التاريخ"
لأنكم و بمنتهى البساطة ,اخطأتم...لقد كذبتم على و عاى ابناء جيلى....
و الان جاء دورى ان اقرر و ان اختار ما اكتب.....
لن اسمع أى نصيحة,و سأشكك فى كل معلوماتكم.....لانى انا من ادفع الثمن حاليا...انا من اعيش مع امراض و فيروسات خبيثة من اختراعكم....انا من يعيش مع اطفال ايتام بسبب حروبكم.....و غيرهم مرضى نفسين
انا من عليه ان يقلق على مستقبل الماء و الجفاف فى الارض....انا من عليه ان يعالج الكراهية التى زرعتوها فى عقولنا تجاه الغريب لانه يختلف عنى فى اللون او الدين

انا الان من سيقود......يقرر....يجرب....يكتب....
و بدونكم...