lets hit the sky

i miss that feeling ,when you visualize the music pink floyd plays. guitars and shit...makes you fly. and then the next day you wake up. reality Hits you in the balls :) i dont think its gona hurt me any more. i got used to pain.
Now what? i am really sick and tired of being sick and tired . GOD please give me a small break pls pls pls. i really cant handle that. what is it the you want to teach me? seriously...am not getting it through my thick skull.what do u want me to do? go nuts? i am nuts ...i am trying to fight depression but its not that easy . can you see that i am always blogging about the same shit .....same shit different day am always depressed and always wishing for some stability why cant i get that ?

The ups and downs, the challenges and the mood swings

The ups and downs, the challenges and the mood swings. Kind of boring to keep on always talking about the same issues. But this time it hit Religion. There is this show I got addicted to in Arabic
Called “revolution with in” its all about making some sort of a stand against one self. And put down all the BAD thing that takes over your heart as a Muslim, one of those is being angry against destiny
See,as long as we belive that destiny is something already determined by God, so questioning it or refusing to accept it and deal with it .is kind of Questioning gods well.. Sounds big??? And not that Approved also. ~so I kind of gone that way….i really couldn’t accept and deal with my situation..
Got so angry and so mad, I tried zillion times to calm myself down. But it didn’t work, I was like” I know I am fooling myself.. so I don’t know what to do…I stopped praying ,got Back to alcohol. But even that I didn’t get Drunk and shutdown my brain..i get this extreme guilt when I use alcohol ( a normal person will say …daaah why don’t you stop then) I just get waek win some one invites for a beer or when I see it in the supermarket…this is very weak. I hate that but I am trying to get that dealt with..
Also this huge Uncertainty that is making me very uncomfortable , so I don’t know actually .what and how or what to do..i will start prying again. Try to focus on things to do like " learn the language in a school" learn some muya thai and by some time hopefully I can do master degree . In some time I realy really hope to land a job in one of those ad agencies like publicies or memac Ogilvy with this 10 K R$ I only have to wait and try to get over my bothering brain

Edge of Desire

Now….yesterday and tomorrow…see the unorganized patteren !!!!
This is how I think,,, and this how my life has been day by day, jumping from one idea to the past and then suddenly to future ,, what`s that ? a human brain is a funny thing ,
I feel like I am floating in an open sky …I feel like I am in the open wiled life…no boundaries
I wish we cn always be without boundaries,,,but to the limit to hurt others with our CRAZYNESS
i wish we could be with out rules....
we have music
we have love flouting
we have blue sky
sun shine
cost like tropical islans
palm trees

i wish i was living in a picture
i wish i was living in a music video
i wish i can control time
i can speak low and my voice reach all ears
i wish my silence was more than words can say

i wish my eyes can speak what thye see,,,,and my heart speak what he feels


i wish i was an eagle ....i want to have wings
i want to free fall and fly ...so fast that the wind would force my eyes to tear
tears of joy
tears of frustration
tears are all what i have in my eyes

scream is what i am used to

i see alot of poeple arround me
and i am extreemly lonely

i hear thousands of voices
and no one can hear my loud screams

i live in the most beautful natre , yet my cornar is full of walles, plastic,garbge and smoke

It’s the end of 2011…….as we all see and know, but honestly I can't be more careless
This 2011 has already damaged a lot that I don’t really see any room for destruction any more . I am so not gona give a daam or plan jack shit….the hell with planning and the hell with list of whishes and the hell with every single ritual I used to do.
I am in the middle of NOW where , and alone ,,,really alone, the lovely partner swimming in another depressed diminution. And I am just standing ther
With the biggest question mark onver my head and wondering NOW WHAT ???
I always asked to move to another country with this exact weather coundetions.
But then….its reality chick. Where is the money,where is the job or the business
Where is the well established life? Where is the extreme 20 or 10 K monthly salary
Where is the big ass house and the car and the power ….
I guess the question should be, where did all these dreams or wishes go..
I love my religion and I believe in it…but I am getting weak..am trying to control my burst of anger and breaking in tears by praying and convincing myself that this is all for a reason…
But come one…its getting heavy and heavy and am just getting….frustrated

If I have a chance to wish,,,and if wishes do really come true.

I wish all my dreams come true

Its taking me long time to write this
This trip…this huge change I am living in…the actual testing session to all your believes ,desires, principles, likes and dis-likes. The list is long….it's as if I am doing a TEST drive to my own brain and myself. I can't evaluate it now…it's still too early..it's been only 2 months.
I managed to get a job, god saved me from an attack on the street. And am on and off with religious obligations. The internal alarm is still functioning GOOD but my bohemian side just GOT STRONGER .. the good side is, in this side of the world I am able to BE…I don’t complain from hard work. I don’t feel lazy…and above all I feel like I can construct a pic of my mission and targets.

Day by day I am loving this place more and more…maybe coz its new and the experience is pleasant. But I have to construct myself…My house, and the social position I always wanted ..i can see it.. a success in work , great responsibility with 25K R$ and then my own Club…big house..and then getting older I move to the mountain…and meet GOD with a smiling heart and a peaceful mind

for now its PEACE LOVE and Thanks to Allah

It's been a while….i always say that hehe
Well yeah this year is one hell of a year ..i got my highest salary ever, and within 6 months I was forced to leave ,,,not only the job, but the entire country actually .. at the begging , I was extremely sad, and frustrated. To quite at my pack was really an awful thing .
Seriously , I was making 3000 $ monthly, and no TAX income. And within 24 hours I had leave that all behind and travel to a another continent . will now I am in Sao Paulo
Working twice as much. And earning 1/3 of what I used to earn.

Surprise is, I like it even better. I feel more at ease, happy and productive .
In a country like Brazil where you have the SKY as your limit. You only have to fight against Traffic , hairy women and toilets with no SHATAFA heheh (this is a serious disgusting issue)
I am not going to list and complain about thing here… this post is a positive one. I am in love with this move I did. Even though it's absolutely against any logic or reason. But if you think of it ,,if you keep every single thing to LOGIC and reason. I guess it will never happen or take place. Its beyond explanation , God has his final word on maters, and they JUST happen.
I am anxiously waiting for my flat to be sold. To start with my own plans and my life..my own dreams. last week end I took a walk in a neighborhood where my wife spent all her childhood. Passing by old houses and new ones. Passing by amazing architecture.
I still haven’t been captured by a specific house. But I am still looking around.
Trying to fix my residency papers, working hard with so little money and extreme happiness.
I am looking forward to speak Portuguese fluently , and then I'll get my matters sorted out . private business. Or a high position and a multinational company . I am finally at eas with life. I can see my life goals getting formulated and becoming clearer and clearer . and then its just Action from there on ….but

my power of will

I just realized how powerful my own 'power of will. And there for,
Am gona start with this line .
"I am in brazil after selling the flat successfully , opened my gym and working hard every day with a huge smile on my face making a very large good living ."

1 month exactly and after I anticipated that I will be replaced,…guess what, I was.
But it happened in an awkward way. I was the once asking to leave..(to be honest, I didn’t even ask) I just left which was embarrassing, I should have told my boss. Anyhow, that is past. The lesson learned is (whatever your father tells you to do. DON’T, just simply ignore.)
Any how this asshole of course replaced me. And I had to flee the country AGAIN coz I am a slave to my father paranoia and I successfully managed to destroy the great Chance I had to get things better financially and for once in my life….pay all my dues and live free 

Now I am in Cairo, no income, no job, and actually no clue.
The plan is to sell they only real-estate I have and use this money to open a gym in Sao Paulo and live there, live for that. Now when I look to my flat, and re-view the times I was so broke to get to pay for it….i smile and I remember a line I overheard on a Oprah`s final talk show.
(there is no such thing as coincidence ,everything is according to a divine plan )
Sitting here, and after I have pulled my wife out of there ,despite her 9000 $ income.
I tell my brain, this has to be for a reason.

I always wanted to leave Kuwait and live in another country, green every where, foreign language. And equality . so looks like it will happen . I will travel to brazil after selling my flat
Open a gym and make a success out myself, later on I will have a big house with a green backyard and the wife will share my life and success .