Ok
Now this is a very new feeling…
A new chance once again
Now….i would like …actually instead of asking god for future things
I will thank him..as an act “as if I have already got these things”
Thanx for helping getting a new chance
Thanx for giving me power to control, people, situations, and circumstances
Thanx for making me a real leader
For being able to see the creative solution in every situation
While I was looking for pictures on flicker under the title of
Jealousy or Anger or “left alone”
And I was kind of feeling connected to these pictures
I was looking for them because I felt like that. For a while.
She said it clear at the beginning “pls ,if you want us to be to gather you have to know that I have few things that I don’t like any body to come next to or to ask me to compromise. Work, daughter and friends. When you are in love you are always taking all sort of decision based on positive feelings. To be honest I always respect in a couple this part (the space and respect giving by each one to the other) valuing the things your partner values is an example of civilized and healthy relationship.
On the other hand you need to be a bit smart and read the signs that you partner is sending.
Working for almost 12 hours a day and then also week ends. Its an amazing sign for dedication
But guess what? This dedication is sent only towards work and then comes friends…..
Ufff I hate feeling like this coz I don’t have to…
For the entire day I have been feeling sick, Hungry and disturbed coz of my allergy
And now I said ,I go pick her up and maybe have few words and she can relax me (she has this effect on me) and then I get this
SORRY BABY I HAVE TO GO TO THIS DINER
Now ,I really I wana see those who keep on saying shit advices like this crap NLP instructor Ibrahim EL fikkey and his bullshit of control your negative feelings
Dud if I can stop
Anger
Jealousy
Disturbed of being neglected from your loved ones.
What the fuck differentiates me than a mother fuckn machine
It’s been few days; I have been jumping from doing one thing to doing another thing.
Viewing blogs to try to get some info about salons. Sometimes I go on the streets pointless just to try to get a salon name or number so I can sell my machine.
Reading a book
Daydreaming and positive wishing
Searching for …..
And while I was about write something,
I decided I wana writ something els ..
I am searching for this unrealistic dream life
A life where you live as if you are living in a movie
Its hard to explain but ,have you ever had this feeling when you see a clip of some ones life with a piano on the background, can you imagine that, it’s a normal people ,going up and down, normal clothes ,smiles, laughs and lusty thoughts & desires
Every time I open the window I hear a lot of noises, and sounds of people, cars machines,
Have you ever dreamed of opening a window and hearing the sound of a piano?
The sound of birds and the waves of the beach
The sound of camera shots
This writing is inspired by an amazing and very touching video I saw on my best friends blog
Called “bayroth I love you, I love you not “
It’s been a long day today, my mood is negative and I feel so exhausted.
Visited a lot of places, and been trying to get something done, and as it’s a label for the Arabic world, nothing gets done.
I just discovered lately what and how exactly I would reach my goal.
Become very rich, own a “Golf R32”,”Pourche 4s” and travel all Europe with Marcia .all that from beauty and fitness business to finance my study in cinema and then go for acting” so am working hard to sell something, And its just so fucking slow. Investors still has to give approval on the final study, women that I know are very few, I have only 1 KD in my pocket need to find a way to reach these fucking salon owners. An add or maybe a Press release. Something will happen and make things work am sure, just keep on wishing hard.
This is a very old writing, that I did as a conversation between the heart and love
H : you know that your not allowed rather welcomed to show up just like that ...with no any kind of warning signals !!! u really cant claim that this is yours ….i will tend to fight back viciously…”says the trampling heart “
L: this is my nature…I come unannounced, and especially at the least expected moments
I am as you know “the summery of life in one word”
I am the cure for all those who claim they don’t need me and when they r alone
They hope for me to arrive..
Those who claim that the emptiness inside is not hurting them…
they know that in my presence time stops..
And your sense become so alert …u do all crazy things…laugh and smile for no specific reason …happiness becomes your new attitude
H:have you ever thought of how would I feel after u leave me
After making me go high….feel free as a bird…sing like no one is watching dance like I don’t care …u tend to suddenly disappear….fade away…
L : I might suddenly or slowly fade a way if you as a person is not capable of knowing how to keep me a live..i live on non stop passion…nonstop giving and gratitude
And the number one thing is HONESTY
H I have nothing to add, please don’t be late and visit me soon
And if you are about to leave promise me you will come again
this is something i wrote in 2006You know when u watch a movie
And specially in this part when they do the slow motion part with a kick ass soundtrack that just say a lot more than the entire movie could have said
And u feel this rush of feelings coming to u
And u start searching in the corners of your mind for memories or life stories that are similar to what u r seeing coz u want to relate to what is happening in front of u on the screen…
I've always tried to do the same yet I just could not find any thing in my life that
Could play this music I need …
Nothing that triggers this smile or this silence
Or even any type of feelings
I miss my loud laughter
And with every sunrise I put on a smile on my face forcing my heart to fight back this scaring feeling of emptiness and loneliness with hope
A voice
A smile that shines on me…..
In such a moment all sort of questions
all sort question marks appear
And demands to be answered
Yet the answer remains hidden…
Hidden between few simple words….
Words …spoken only by her
Words that no on can hear but me
Words that has the answer to all asked and unasked questions
Today I woke up as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
Yesterday I was asked a question (baby what is the plan)!!!!!
I froze….and thanks god my mobile battery just suddenly went off,as if god wanted me to have this question and just sleep on the answer…plan?? What plan?? I didn’t plan jack shit !!!! should I be planning in the first place or shall we just let things go according to the big master plan
I am not a happy temper today ….i feel as if I am a kid who just got his lollipop stolen from him and thrown a way …
What is the plan….where can I go
What can I start….
Am just as if am paralyzed, this Kuwait country made me feel like I cant live if am not there
Oh may god this is the worst thing ever, to feel trapped in a place and even when u r out of it
U still feel as if you are stuck!!!!!! This means that this STUCK feeling is just inside me
It isn’t something true, what the hell am I saying
I cant even focus on single thought. I talk about a plan thin I jump to talk about feelings….Am feeling down again AGAIN fucking AGAIN ,GOD enough already cant you give me a nice break……for only 1 year pleas make things just keep on moving positively and then turn me to a horse I have no problem heheheheheh
BABY..i have no plan,,,I didn’t think of a plan at all and to be honest, I feel so num and confused that I cant think of any thing . Because I don’t freaking know what I want exactly …am not specific . World pleas take it easy on me for the love of god…..why??? how and when
Questions that I always keep on asking, and never satisfied with answers
