influence of SATURN return.....HOPE

So …..i was told that I will under the influence of SATURN return ….
If you know astrology you will know that it a MOTHER FUCKN HARD time heheheh
That became part of normal day. Since the end of Nov 08 until now.

I guess the only good side is, I developed a tendency to be calm from inside no matter what is going around me . Some things are under ur control and others are not. As For those things that you can’t control. You need not to worry. it’s just a wait of time and energy . if there is any mishaps that I did in my early twenties. I am on the place where I have to pay for it now.
And I face that with hope
A hope of finding the answer to the most valuable question of all.
What is my role in the big theater of life …
Which part suits me, politician? ,Writer? Actor, standup- comedian? Fitness instructor
What is it exactly? Where it is exactly and when am I supposed to start that.

Wait and see ….things will happen at the time it should happen

I feel peace, for a while

Peace is a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations and I will add to that …it’s a state of harmony between a person mind and his world surrounding him….

I feel peace, for a while

TO FUCK WITH LIFE

At 5 AM I just jumped out of a deep dream with one thing in my head .i Aint going to work today
Its just to frustrating and 2 ridiculous to keep on going in this loop over and over again. Disregarding all the good and positive things I have in my situation right now looked at the empty side of the cup. Woke up with an enormous anger inside me. Driving with no goal I ended up at my friend`s office ,he managed to somehow defuse this anger and frustration, with a mini lecture and few tips to change the VIEW I have for my world.
The hit line was “toughen up and don’t be ridiculous, part of becoming a man is going through this rough patch, god do this to so how far can u go in handling pressure “

its all fake

Life is fake….we live in a parallel world
We evaluate our life according to what we have….how much money we make
Where we live, what car we drive and who we hang out with. Those who claim they don’t see life this way .they are just acting to be different. Bottom line they are laying.
Frustration comes when you keep on trying to reach somewhere, or some goal, yet u keep on slipping. Falling and failing . I am the person who still has no defined mission
I don’t know what to do
Where to go
Or how am I gona solve this maze
This puzzle
I am frustrated and depressed

i have enough space in my soul

These few days has made me feel a bit more balanced than am usually feeling.
I feel that there is more sanity in side me than before, as if I have just grown up !!!
I know for a fact that I am one of those people who learn in the hard way.
But my lessons are way much deep and intense than a lot of people. It is for a specific reason,
Still don’t know but sometimes I feel like I am going to be a person with a huge influence world wide

And actually I do not like my mood swings …..i don’t feel like am energetic and alive like before..

Is it’s because we are not together any more?

Its has been a long time …really long time that I am feeling like I am going in circles’

I was going through some of my old writings while I was in Q and guess what I found???

Since 2007 and I still have this LOST issue….still asking the same questions but in a different way…

To be honest,,,, some of these questions has been closer to be answered …yet it’s still not fully answered …

Still looking for love??

I will never be satisfied with any amount of love I have,,,no why ? I don’t have limits !!!! no limits for wanting and my NEED for this emotion ….this Taurus heart needs a life supply of HIGHLY dosage of affection….love…and SEX,, it might be an unpleasant thing to say …my partner may feel that I tend to look somewhere ells…but actually I learned that the hard way,,, GREED leads you to lose every single thing you have …so its not greed and ma not gona handle this urge by looking somewhere els …

Am going to keep it…inside …

Work has been once again ….some sort of disappointment

I don’t know what can I do …is it impossible to work in this dam country!!!1

Why people are so stupid ?

Things take ages to be solved

They cant see the big picture

They only foucs on stupid and small details that will add nothing

No appreciation …

Arrogance

And above all

Loneliness….that’s a killer

I am tiered of thinking and searching with no result ….

The hell with that

I guess its better not to think

Just live every day as it is …( if you can)

i dont believe you by PINK

I have been listening to this song for so many days

And as it’s a gift I have in me…I always have the ability to detect how deep the song is for the singer …I don’t know how and I just do ,,,,or maybe its not true its just touching me personally .

This singer …what I love about her is this pure and raw anger she usually has in her voice and her face impressions ,,,its shows in the way she presents herself …she is just a rebellious person.

The thing that a lot don’t know is that behind any any extreme anger or very loud laughs …you will always have a DEEP cut…a sort of sorrow that just can’t be fixed….

This song comes exactly at a time where I feel a bit venerable.

And I am the only one to be blamed ….my impulsiveness and irrational thinking

Always leads me to uncalculated actions and tough consequences..

But to be honest with me and whomever is reading.

I never intend to do things to hurt others in any way …I am just a very intense person (emotionally speaking ) and such a thing can sometimes be very dangerous

And sometimes it’s the best way to live …..i fall in love in a blink of an eye

And I suffer from it as if it’s a sharp knife stabbing my heart nonstop.

So if you are trying to understand me…..dont

You will never be able to do so ….just accept me the way I am As I was told many times from a lot of people”

“We see you and we feel like we are in the presence of an enormous power”

And also I was constantly told that I have this missing link between my reality and my hidden inner power … when will this time come to see this link working ….

Enjoy the song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGrkoAEpPlA