One millions question

This is a post done via my smart phone .

In the past I had questions
In the past I had no idea about the sneers . Now I can say some of them are answered . But I just can't figure out how to implement this answer .
Example : I know that god created us to learn , use this knowledge to find HIM and also be enlightened.
We are unique in a way or another .
My problem : I can't find my own uniqueness . I don't know how to reach there . How can I help my self and others . Working for some one is not why am created . I am much deeper than that. But what am I exactly ? I don't know :(
I want to answer this question .
I want to find the thing that makes me
Significant for me . I am tiered . And I am lonely . Actually I want to be alone for a while .

very ambiguous.

I have been reading my old posts, and maaaaaaaaaaaaan what a messy life

I mean seriously if you read it u get the feeling that I am a classic bi-polar any way, that actually has no significant meaning. The current situation I am in is very ambiguous. I was not happy in Kuwait, for many reasons. In addition, I thought and wanted actually to leave. Of course, I never planned, and there for, when it happened, or to be specific, when the circumstances FORCED me to leave. I was like a BABY in a strip club, LOST LIKE NEVER BEFOR.

Today My wife complimented me, she said ( ï admire your ability of keeping yourself under control and not losing it   ) it is 1 full year without work or income. Yet with only teaching 2 classes of English and some help from her I managed to learn Portuguese, Aikido, Muay Thai, and now am studying online some amazing subjects (mathematical thinking, logic, programing, operation management, network analysis and intro to Neurology)

I have managed to read a big number of books for Dr.Mustapha Mahmud that I have to say deeply changed how I see things and think about spiritual matters.

I cannot predict what will happen or how my life will turn to be in Brazil. I can only say Hamdolelah that I am healthy, actually I am in a better body shape than ever, due to walking a lot and more martial arts.

As for how I feel , I cant describe that , it’s a very changeable state . one day I see things very clear like now. The other day, I feel like I wana shoot myself in the head ( ANY signs of BiPola HEHEHE )

But there is something that I wish I have the power to do. ASK god, what is the take home massage?

For each one on this earth , there is a roll, there is a reason why u r here. Who knows? How can one self actually reach this point? Actually, how can  a person know for sure that THIS IS WHAT U should do?

Because the master plan makes more logic when u see it from above.  Well, I wish it was that easy or even possible . I only know that, its like an interactive& intelligent  Game. This is life, an interactive& intelligent game. Depending on each choice you do, the next step reveals itself accordingly . Ok, what is the target you want to reach ? because that will define wither or not your choices are correct or wrong.

AHaaaaaa  so u need to actually sketch a Target!!!  Ok I have been trying to do so since 2008 , no luck yet. So my last words will be. Keep up ur hopes, sketch as much ideas and targets as you can. And as for me. Lets see how this LIFE/Game will end up J

Internet + free Ebooks + TED

look at that , 2 posts in one month :)
well well, this time the subject is diffident. If you were wondering ( as if some actually follows what i write ) I Couldn't go to Sao Pualo . because i dont have a Place to stay, the minimum rent is like 1,500 R$ and i will be making 3000 R$ only if i have 20 students . The school can only offer 3 students . so It will not work .
2nd Post is about :
The eager of Knowledge
Yes I now have this Non-stop urge for learning something NEW. i always want to sit down and dive in a book and LEARN and after that PASS it to some one. Teach some one . Ok how can i do that ?
MBA or Masters need money and also need to be in SP. So lets use the current tools we have
Internet + free Ebooks + TED. As you all know i have signed up in www.coursera.net
Its a project done in order to let people around the world to have Free Full class of some interesting subjects
Universities like HARVARD, STANFORD and Toronto .the teacher are going to give class to 33,000 students from 193 countries.

Any way, i am thankful for all the

the call back to Sao pulo ZOO

Last post was like 2 months ago .
Before Ramadan, I was actually considering not fasting . I thought that, the idea for of not eating or drinking at all wont just cut it. I don't care about food, I struggling against anther type of desires .

Any way I came back to my mind and fasted Normally....Guess what ,This was the Best Ramadan I had ever. i really managed to enjoy it . I pried at my own pace Long and slow night prayers . alone but concentrating . Any how The month passed and gave me a wonderful gift .. The highest  level of Calmness. and clarity. I for the first time in my life managed to completely shut down these voices in my head .

Now, I got this Sudden call from a school owner in Sao pualo. asking me to work for him and give classes .
You know what that means. BACK TO SAO PAULO. back to the city the i call the greatest vacuum cleaner . this city is sooo agitated and huge that it sucks all the energy from every one living there.

On the other hand this means Financial Independence . My current situation is really tight . i actually have zero income.  I did the iste7àra prayer and lets see how is that going to go....Its exciting and aluring
but SAO PAULO it self is a big fat  Illusion

I will take tis opportunity and Hope this city wont mess with my tranquillity  

they are all my countries...Kuwait,Egypt and Brazil

Hope

Hope,

I am trying to reach there. I am tryinh to keep my mind foucsd

Smoke, and stop

Drink and stop

Pray and stop

Hope and stop

I am lost , I don’t know where I am,where I am going  and what exactly I am doing.

I look at my face in the mirror and just cant feel this face is me. I am not that in the picture

Am some where els , my brain is trapped by my desires, there is a rope around me

Holding me, the same one holding me since I was born. Nothing changed. Its said that its not whom you are in side its what you do  . I know ,or lets say I hope that Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, I’ll laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding  myself, everything happen for a reason

God pleas , give me a hint. Help me, take it easy on me. My soul is exhausted .

Where do we go from here

This is the Question.
Where do we go from here, jumping all around the WORLD? What are you looking for Mr. Tamer?
Is it Money? Is Power? Is it Fame? Is it Religion and full understanding of the meaning of life? Is it to cure the self-trust issues? Are you damaged that deep? That Bad?
why? You have all the resources to be THE person you want. Why are you holding back?
The fight of back and forth between your soul and your desires will never be solved THIS way.
You need to pick up your mind for once in your life. Choose my friend. God is always there.
And he will always be the ONE that control the show. Inside you there is only GOOD, there is no need to convince yourself that you and angry person. You are not; you don’t need physical power to feel self-confidence. You need to rewrite the code and principals of your life? Well, do it
it`s a good start to define what you stand for. Learn, test and then conclude. I know that Dr Mustapha Mahmoud has a big influence. But don’t forget, his words are reflecting his OWN life
His progress in this world. He already had his own time, he had a diffident mission.

If you want to be what your desires want, I am sure you will get sick of it. And am also sure you will not ONLY be a spiritual person, you are looking for a balance. You are looking for new land. New identity. You also need to count your blessings; I know you always do that (don’t let that go). Give up these silly day dreams of President, Money laundry, assassin and actor. (Heheheh seriously I was always wanting to be one of those) you are some one else. Much more important, much more pure and much more valuable. Let go the self-beating for the past mistakes

Learn from them if you have to, but don’t loop in the past. Stay awake, Keep you mind open for what you are good at. Appreciate the Nature you have around you. Enjoy to the max the ability of learning new things, meeting new people. They all see you as a star. No more racism. You are blessed my friend
Keep that in mind. You do have the right to rewrite what you believe in, if you don’t stand for any thing
It’s time to do so; it’s time to BECOME real. Step out of your imaginary world.

“To my dear readers
That was me, and the effect of this song. Enjoy the music