The ups and downs, the challenges and the mood swings

The ups and downs, the challenges and the mood swings. Kind of boring to keep on always talking about the same issues. But this time it hit Religion. There is this show I got addicted to in Arabic
Called “revolution with in” its all about making some sort of a stand against one self. And put down all the BAD thing that takes over your heart as a Muslim, one of those is being angry against destiny
See,as long as we belive that destiny is something already determined by God, so questioning it or refusing to accept it and deal with it .is kind of Questioning gods well.. Sounds big??? And not that Approved also. ~so I kind of gone that way….i really couldn’t accept and deal with my situation..
Got so angry and so mad, I tried zillion times to calm myself down. But it didn’t work, I was like” I know I am fooling myself.. so I don’t know what to do…I stopped praying ,got Back to alcohol. But even that I didn’t get Drunk and shutdown my brain..i get this extreme guilt when I use alcohol ( a normal person will say …daaah why don’t you stop then) I just get waek win some one invites for a beer or when I see it in the supermarket…this is very weak. I hate that but I am trying to get that dealt with..
Also this huge Uncertainty that is making me very uncomfortable , so I don’t know actually .what and how or what to do..i will start prying again. Try to focus on things to do like " learn the language in a school" learn some muya thai and by some time hopefully I can do master degree . In some time I realy really hope to land a job in one of those ad agencies like publicies or memac Ogilvy with this 10 K R$ I only have to wait and try to get over my bothering brain