mood is negative

It’s been a long day today, my mood is negative and I feel so exhausted.

Visited a lot of places, and been trying to get something done, and as it’s a label for the Arabic world, nothing gets done.

I just discovered lately what and how exactly I would reach my goal.

Become very rich, own a “Golf R32”,”Pourche 4s” and travel all Europe with Marcia .all that from beauty and fitness business to finance my study in cinema and then go for acting” so am working hard to sell something, And its just so fucking slow. Investors still has to give approval on the final study, women that I know are very few, I have only 1 KD in my pocket need to find a way to reach these fucking salon owners. An add or maybe a Press release. Something will happen and make things work am sure, just keep on wishing hard.

A Conversation with an invader

This is a very old writing, that I did as a conversation between the heart and love

H : you know that your not allowed rather welcomed to show up just like that ...with no any kind of warning signals !!! u really cant claim that this is yours ….i will tend to fight back viciously…”says the trampling heart “

L: this is my nature…I come unannounced, and especially at the least expected moments

I am as you know “the summery of life in one word”

I am the cure for all those who claim they don’t need me and when they r alone

They hope for me to arrive..

Those who claim that the emptiness inside is not hurting them…

they know that in my presence time stops..

And your sense become so alert …u do all crazy things…laugh and smile for no specific reason …happiness becomes your new attitude

H:have you ever thought of how would I feel after u leave me

After making me go high….feel free as a bird…sing like no one is watching dance like I don’t care …u tend to suddenly disappear….fade away…

L : I might suddenly or slowly fade a way if you as a person is not capable of knowing how to keep me a live..i live on non stop passion…nonstop giving and gratitude

And the number one thing is HONESTY

H I have nothing to add, please don’t be late and visit me soon

And if you are about to leave promise me you will come again

very old posts

this is something i wrote in 2006

You know when u watch a movie

And specially in this part when they do the slow motion part with a kick ass soundtrack that just say a lot more than the entire movie could have said

And u feel this rush of feelings coming to u

And u start searching in the corners of your mind for memories or life stories that are similar to what u r seeing coz u want to relate to what is happening in front of u on the screen…

I've always tried to do the same yet I just could not find any thing in my life that

Could play this music I need …

Nothing that triggers this smile or this silence

Or even any type of feelings

I miss my loud laughter

And with every sunrise I put on a smile on my face forcing my heart to fight back this scaring feeling of emptiness and loneliness with hope

A voice

A smile that shines on me…..

In such a moment all sort of questions

all sort question marks appear

And demands to be answered

Yet the answer remains hidden…

Hidden between few simple words….

Words …spoken only by her

Words that no on can hear but me

Words that has the answer to all asked and unasked questions

Confused..Frustrated..And alone

Today I woke up as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,

Yesterday I was asked a question (baby what is the plan)!!!!!

I froze….and thanks god my mobile battery just suddenly went off,as if god wanted me to have this question and just sleep on the answer…plan?? What plan?? I didn’t plan jack shit !!!! should I be planning in the first place or shall we just let things go according to the big master plan

I am not a happy temper today ….i feel as if I am a kid who just got his lollipop stolen from him and thrown a way …

What is the plan….where can I go

What can I start….

Am just as if am paralyzed, this Kuwait country made me feel like I cant live if am not there

Oh may god this is the worst thing ever, to feel trapped in a place and even when u r out of it

U still feel as if you are stuck!!!!!! This means that this STUCK feeling is just inside me

It isn’t something true, what the hell am I saying

I cant even focus on single thought. I talk about a plan thin I jump to talk about feelings….Am feeling down again AGAIN fucking AGAIN ,GOD enough already cant you give me a nice break……for only 1 year pleas make things just keep on moving positively and then turn me to a horse I have no problem heheheheheh

BABY..i have no plan,,,I didn’t think of a plan at all and to be honest, I feel so num and confused that I cant think of any thing . Because I don’t freaking know what I want exactly …am not specific . World pleas take it easy on me for the love of god…..why??? how and when

Questions that I always keep on asking, and never satisfied with answers

Soul search

After the set back I have faced in Kuwait

I thought it was the best idea to have some time off and go back to my home country

I cant call it home as I didn’t spend there more than 12 month in a row..

(I think its sad). Any how she said its better for me to take this trip, maybe something different might happen, I am convinced that the normal life formula just doesn’t cut it for me

Its just not me, Ok then what is the formula that works ????

That is a million dollar question.

I guess the answer will appear when I start opening all windows and doors to my inner soul

Looks like I still have some discoveries to make ….a mission to define

What is it ????

Private business is always a good idea .

Now I am here ,its 4:00 AM and I cant stop thinking…

How and where can I start ,one thing I know for sure is that I do need people`s help

I need to do a research and set a schedule of priorities. And also try to have a better control on my mind sets,

Tomorrow is another day

Lets see how it will go

NOW WHAT DID I DO WRONG

am writing this right now while am waiting for extra 30 minutes,

To meet the HR woman who hired me, and take from her my termination letter.

And the only question I have in my brain is

NOW WHAT DID I DO WRONG

Why is this happening to me? Why am I not able to hold in to a job?

What is going on?

Well,

I guess the answer is very obvious.

God is trying to repeat the pattern every single time and you just keep on doing the same exact freaking mistake .

I don’t know what to say …or what to write

Is it Khalid al sayegh

Is it coz of the bags I gave to guards?

Is it Coz GOD`S blessing is not complete given to me ?

Maybe for what am I doing .

What ever it is

Its not reversible any way

I just have to take it and start looking forward for what the hell am I going to do in order to pay shady and to pay for my car

Cheer up champ

Its only a matter of time until things work again,

I was already reading in my 2009 Taurus sign chart

That August will be a very hard time…here we go

thinking deep

I was told that if you want something, you should have to work hard to get it...

Wish and combine that with hard work and some planning and it will work

Actually I don’t know exactly what I want!!!

I always say it will be amazing to be an actor….. I want to be famous and fame of course brings power and money

Now here is the question …

What did you do to make them work?

Absolutely nothing….why?

Coz I am always distracted by other things and I was told that these dreams will not work …or maybe will not work easily…..it’s like a shot in the dark

Adding to that I live so far a way from the action where it could be possible to happen and am sort stuck …..

I just realized right now that I could go and restart again in Cairo or Dubai or even brazil there is actually nothing standing in my way ..

Then why is not doing that ……

The answer is, I am not taking my own desires seriously!!!!!

Its something that realy requires change in me ……seriousness…..but am not like that

I take things lightly, not coz I don’t have respect for any thing,

Its just me ,I hate complications, I run a way after these unexplained fixes ….like I wana drink now or I want to join an expensive club just coz the location and lay out and energy of the place is attractive ….(then I realized it is one of the best places)

The solution is

· Take work and career matter more serious

· Don’t be scared to face any type of consequence for your actions

· If I hate complications the better don’t do wrong

· Listen to your own inner voice, its always right and you know that its smart